Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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