Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
