Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
