So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
