I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
