Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
