omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
