I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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