My nipple is on Facebook.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
