Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
