i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
