i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
