oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
