we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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