apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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