Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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