I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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