dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
