pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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