The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
