trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
