We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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