I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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