its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
