What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
