I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
