roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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