Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
