I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So vagazzling was a success
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
