I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
