i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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