y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize