Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
