and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
