apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
