my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
