your room smells of hookers.
And success
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
