Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
