my mouth tastes like poor choices
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
