Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
