Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
