Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I joined a choir last night...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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