I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
