I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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