I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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