You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
