I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dicks are not precious.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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