the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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