ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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