Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
