Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
