I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How's work?
Spinning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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