I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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