I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
