when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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