in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
