I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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