Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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