Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
