Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
