drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My liver just had a heart attack.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
