i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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