You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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