He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
