I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
