Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
