Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
