Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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