you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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