How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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